By now, you've probably heard about Jada Pinkett Smith's recent interview
that many people took to mean that she might be cool with the famous
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air getting some extra fresh on the side.
And although Ms. Smith clarified her comments, the online world is still buzzing about the topic of monogamy and open marriage.
Related: 15 ways women are ruining their sex lives
While personally I can barely summon the energy to have sex with my own
husband (three kids in four years has that effect on some of us, ok?)
and the thought of the work it would require to not only embark on, but
carry out, an actual affair just makes me tired, clearly not all
marriages are monogamous.
In The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages
(Pengiun Press, 2013), author Meghan Laslocky gives a little background
on the history of marriage and provides some compelling evidence in
support of "debunking monogamy."
1. Marriage as we know it is a fairly recent invention.
In the history of marriage, the concept of marrying for love is a
relatively new one; traditionally marriage was constructed as more of a
business proposition of sorts, with each partner benefiting, usually
socially, politically, or financially from the union. It wasn't until
the 18th century Enlightenment that the idea of marrying for love became
popular.
2. Doing it like they do on the discovery channel = not monogamous.
In her book, Laslocky points out that in the animal kingdom, species
that are thought to be monogamous are actually, usually not. In fact, of
the 4,000 mammals in the animal kingdom, she states that less than 3%
are monogamous to start out-and that monogamy is often in appearance
only. For instance, a pair of "lovebirds?" Well, usually one of `em is
indulging another lovebird on the side.
3. Couples that reproduce together, stay together.
She goes on to explain that many "monogamous" mammals in the animal
world, especially the lovebirds, practice "social monogamy"-that is,
raising a family with one mate while enjoying a romantic rendezvous
every now and then. Scientists conclude such behavior is helpful to
ensuring survival of the species, as the males spread their seed around
for all to enjoy while the females get the help they need to raise all
those hatchlings. Which, as she points out, puts another whole meaning
to that "Are You My Mother" book we all know and love, right?
4. Society rules?
Laslocky's book also cited a study that showed that fewer than half of
all modern societies forbid extramarital relationships within a
marriage; in fact, many cultures don't see affairs or flings as
deal-breakers to a successful marriage.
5. To each his or her own.
A 20-year long study of 164 couples, half of whom were not monogamous
found that the spouses reported no difference in their perceived
happiness nor was the rate of divorce any higher in the "open"
marriages.
However, in the end, I'm just not buying it..
While this all makes for an interesting conversation (especially if you
drop these little tidbits to your husband while eating B.L.T. pizza
with him, although a word of warning-he probably will choke on that
piece of bacon), I have to say that I'm just not buying it. Sure, it may
be "natural" in the animal world for mates to fool around on each
other, but it's also "natural" for some animals to eat their own
offspring. Obviously, we have all evolved a bit to overcome some of our
primitive urges and instincts.
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